Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Randomize
