Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
