god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
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