im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
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