I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Randomize
