Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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