I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
