just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
