I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
so let's talk penis.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize
