Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Randomize
