i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Did you just see the Batmobile???
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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