the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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