If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
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it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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