My hair reeks of homosexuality.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Be still, my beating vagina.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
