I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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