when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Randomize
