I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Randomize
