party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
