I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Randomize
