I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Randomize
