i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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