pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
