I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Randomize
