he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
