Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
