there was a trapeze. enough said
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
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