weddingsv make me drug and hornr
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
