I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
