Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize
