Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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