I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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