Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Randomize
