Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
