my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
