This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
