Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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