Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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