the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
