So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
