I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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