Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
