Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
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After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
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Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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