Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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