So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
