I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
