new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Randomize
