im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize