he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
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i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
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I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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