last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
How's work?
Spinning.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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