I just pynch a tree in the face
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
