did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
