What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Found your dick twin last night
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
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