why didn't you poke me back
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Well I just put wine in my tea
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
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