She is in my trunk
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
they call him Oral-B. enough said
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Couch. On fire.
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