Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
