If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
