On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
i think i scared a bird with my dick
two words...techno handjob
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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