Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
A bitchslap is in order.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
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