Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
i just made my gag reflex go away.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
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