It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
