Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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