Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
