it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
We had to coat check the pizza.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
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