Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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