Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
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He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
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