i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Randomize
