I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
