Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
