NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
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