lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
