Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Ladies don't puke and tell
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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