I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
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