Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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