You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
No subtext here. People are naked.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Randomize
