if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
