would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Randomize
