I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
