you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Randomize
