What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
