I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Randomize
