I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
