That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Randomize
