Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
God, I missed his penis.
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