I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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