my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Randomize
