you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
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