I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
