I wish I could punch you in the face.
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
