I intend to get homeless drunk
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
