saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
