I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
